it's good to be out...

so, i finally came out on facebook... i wasn't sure if i wanted to or not, but i hate telling people in person, and i always feel awkward when i see someone i know out and about and they are giving me a look and keep asking "what's new with you?"

i also hate the rude comments, and at least people have to think before they type and i don't have to see their facial expressions. i feel so relieved!

a day in the life of hadley

you love to play outside, and even after hours of playing, you will still cry when it is time to come in.




you are turning into a girly girl, and love your babies, and purses.



you love to play "movie star", and have the attitude to go with it.



even though you try to keep up with the big boys, you are still a baby. they may knock you down, but you get right back up and go again.



you love being in the stroller... i am shocked, but you do.



you are 17 months, going on 17 years... how did you grow up so fast???



i am having so much fun watching you grow and explore. i've gotta admit, that this is not my favorite age... but there are so many wonderful things that i am trying to focus on.


hadley, i love you so much!!! you are funny, and lovable. you adore your brothers and you are 100% a daddy's girl. you add so much fun and excitement to our day. you are growing up so fast!!! can you believe you are on your way to being a big sister?

just another day in may...

i love fountain soda... it is just so yummy!!! at home we usually have some diet coke or fresca in the fridge, but nothing really tastes as good as fountain coke.

the only problem is i have to watch how much caffeine i drink these days being pregnant and all. so, i gave up my morning coffee or iced coffee for a yummy fountain coke. it is so worth it!!!

other craving so far are ice cream, milky ways, peaches and tomatoes. the only problem with peaches is they are not really in season yet... bummer!!! but soon enough they will be. i made a ranch dip last week and just wanted to eat it with tomatoes. i couldn't get enough.

i am 13 weeks today, and officially in only maternity clothes. i really need to pick up a few more things. my doppler came in the mail on saturday. i have tried to find the heart beat a couple of times, and it is so tricky. i get excited thinking i found it, but then i realize it is mine.

oh, and mason loves to share our news with anyone who will listen. for the most part everyone seems happy for us, but then i get the comments on how busy we will be, or how crazy i am. thanks, i was looking for your input.

school is almost out, and i am just amazed with how fast the year went. mason's last day is june 10th, and carter's is june 18th. i signed both boys up for some camps to help keep them busy, and keep my sanity.

my dad's colon surgery is in 2 weeks from today. my mom said he was starting to get really depressed about it. i feel bad and there is not much to do. i would be depressed too. i am putting together a bag of crosswords, sudukos, etc. to keep him busy for after the surgery. i am also going to get my mom some magazines and stuff, since she'll be home a lot taking care of him.

ok, off to take care of the children...

hangman

we told the boys last night... carter's baseball game was cancelled, we were all home early, and nobody was in a mood... it was perfect!

i told them that daddy had big news for them when he got home. they were expecting a toy... i had to make myself clear, we had good news to share, not toys or presents.




we took a video of them playing hangman... it was so cute! when they finally figured it out, carter had a look of being excited and confused. he looked at me, and then at my belly, and i think he was a little shocked. mason was typical mason, just happy-go-lucky. oh, and hadley doesn't have a clue...

craig also surprised me with some flowers... they are my favorite!!!



last week i was feeling so very blah, and this week i am so happy!!!!

12 weeks

today i had my n/t scan... everything looked good with the baby. my baby has measured a couples day behind during my last 2 u/s, but today s/he measure 1 day ahead! the heart rate was 163...




so, i am now ready to share my news... i even got hadley the cutest t-shirt to help me spread the news. i'll have to take a picture of her in that soon! i had to hide the shirt since carter can read.

oh, and i can't wait to tell the boys!!! mason just told me last week that he would like a baby, then he added the baby should be a boy and we can call him "buck".

today was a good day!!!

blah!

blah! that is how i felt all week for no particular reason.

mother's day was fine... nothing special or exciting. craig is great at getting me exactly what i want, but struggles with being romantic and spontaneous. all i said i wanted was to get my car cleaned out and detailed. last saturday it rained all day, so tomorrow it will go in. i don't know what more i wanted, but i think i was hoping for something.... anything. oh, well. after 16 years i should know better.

on monday i was suppose to meet my cousin for dinner. i was looking forward to seeing her and telling her my news. i even booked a sitter so i could leave early, do a little shopping before we met and didn't have to wait for craig to get home. well, i got an email sunday night that she had to cancel. usually not a big deal, but since i was in a mood, i was disappointed. craig offered to meet me for dinner if i wanted to keep the sitter... so that was nice.

on tuesday i ordered a home fetal doppler. i love being pregnant, and really want to enjoy my last pregnancy. since i was having a little pity party, i thought some retail therapy would help.

life is busy with the 3 kids, and most of the time when craig comes to my appointments, he just stays in the waiting room with whoever i have with me, and doesn't get to come in and listen to the heart beat. now we can listen whenever we want... i know it may seem silly to some, but for me, it just feels right. i am confident in this pregnancy, so i did not order it out of fear. i am pretty sure we will not be finding out the sex of this baby ahead of time, so it will allow for some nice bonding time.

by wed. i was still feeling blah... so i asked my friend jen if she wanted to join me for a pedicure, and lunch. it was a cool and yucky day, after my pedicure and a hot bowl of cheddar broccoli soup from panera, i was feeling better.

thursday was going well, but then around 3:00, i got a massive headache, and then my eyes started to hurt. after dinner i just rested while craig got the kids ready for bed. all i wanted to do was crawl in be and watch grey's and private practice. my 2 favorite hours of tv watching all the week.

today i still didn't feel great... i canceled mason speech (which is now twice a week) and stayed in my pj's all morning. i made some brownies, and just hung out with the kids. it was nice. i even got a little nap in before i had to get carter off the bus!! we met craig at chili's for dinner, and then let the kids run off their energy outside.

i am looking forward to the weekend, and i am really ready to put the blah feeling behind me. i'm thinking some nice flowers might help (yes craig, i'm talking to you).

it's the most wonderful time of the year....

i realize not everyone shares my love of baby names, but for me today is when the ssa publishes the 2009 popular baby names list. i always love seeing how my kids names have changed in popularity, and check out what the new trend is. this year since i am pregnant, i am even more thrilled.

Carter
Year of birth Rank
2009 50
2008 65
2007 80
2006 75
2005 77
2004 88
2003 102
2002 108
2001 111
2000 152

Mason
Year of birth Rank
2009 34
2008 35
2007 37
2006 40
2005 42
2004 51
2003 54
2002 53
2001 53
2000 64

Hadley
Year of birth Rank
2009 361
2008 417
2007 469
2006 494
2005 623
2004 692
2003 702
2002 875
2001 857
2000 921

although it hasn't been done yet for the 2009 list, there is usually a section where you can see the popular names by state. i like that feature the best. here in MA carter really isn't that popular, last i checked it wasn't even in the top 100.

the next step will be to get a list together of the names i like for baby #4... and as of now i don't think we are going to find out the gender. it was an amazing experience in the delivery room, and really it doesn't matter to me one bit. i won't be setting up the nursery until after the baby is born anyways.

over the years, these are the names we have liked... notice i said we, not i. if it were up to me alone, carter's name would have been reid, and i always suggest it, but craig is just not a fan.

when naming carter, our final names were carter, cameron, and cole. carter was picked thanks to the tv show ER (dr. carter) and my favorite rapper jay-z (sean carter). if carter was a girl, his name would have been hilarie. we never settled on a middle name.

mason was going to be avery kate if he was a girl. the final 3 boy names we brought with us to the hospital were mason, cole, and brady. i wanted cole, craig wanted brady and we both liked mason.

the night before we were going to have hadley, we were still trying to nail down names. if she was a boy, she would have been graham. for girls we were going back and forth between hadley and norah kate. i just thought hadley sounded better with the boys names, but we had a hard time picking a middle name. at first we wanted elis/zabeth, but disagreed on the spelling. i wanted the s and craig liked the z. i then mentioned isabel, which has always been a name that i have loved. craig agreed and we had our names set and just needed to see if we were going to have a boy or girl. this was the first time we didn't find out the gender ahead of time.

so now we need to figure out names we like for baby #4... in theory i like girly names, but i don't know if i would actual use one. amelia has always been a favorite, but i'm not sold. i think i should stick to surnames. and maybe, just maybe craig will let me use the name reid.... this is our last baby after all.

any name suggestions are welcomed.... really, i need all the help i can get.

10 week belly pic

so here it is... my first official pregnancy photos @ 10 week 3 day. i am wearing maternity jeans with a non-maternity shirt. i sure did get a lot of looks today at mason's school for the mother's day tea party. what's a girl to do? i am going to try to hold off any sort of official announcement until my n/t scan on may 18th. at that point i will be 12 weeks and will feel ready to share my news...

"Are your in-laws against babies or something?"

this quote from heather has had me laughing... "Are your in-laws against babies or something?"

well, to answer this question, no they are not against babies, but they are 2 of the most socially awkward people i know. they just don't get it most of the time. they never know what to do, or say that is appropriate.

here are just a couple examples:

our families were both over to celebrate the boys birthdays. it was the sunday after my dad started his chemo/radiation and he tried to explain what he was going through, and even showed them his chemo pump and my mil kept asking when he was going to start, and my fil offered to donate blood to him if he needed it.

ok, here's another.... my brother died of complications from type 1 diabetes at age 25. my mil didn't understand why she couldn't be in the "receiving line" at the funeral home, as if it was some sort of social event. and my fil has type 2 diabetes b/c his is so overweight... but every party we are at that there is cake, he will ask for extra frosting and them joke that his sugar levels are out of control. craig has told him on countless occasions that it is rude and there is no need to make comments like that, but he still does.

oh, and just recently my mil asked me why i don't give all my baby boy clothes to my 6 month old nephew... i mentioned that we may need them again some day, i want to keep all my baby stuff until i am done. her response "well after what happened to you (ie: m/c) i would think you would want to get rid of all your baby stuff."

my fil is a justice of the peace, and married craig and i. i wrote out exactly what he was suppose to say. he wanted to put his own spin on things, and add sayings that we didn't want. i remember stressing about it to my parents, and really regretted that we said he could marry us. well the day of the wedding came, and fil was talking to my dad about the ceremony and how he was going to just add a couple of things, and he figured i would be so nervous, i wouldn't even notice. very calmly my dad looked at him and said "don't f*ck with my daughter on her wedding day."

carter was so proud when he learned to read, and wanted to read my in-laws a story. while reading they were playing with their cell phones, cameras and talking to each other. neither of them were paying attention at all.

my in-laws are only interested in what is in it for them... they don't care about the memory, they only want to take a picture to show their friends. my mil is only interested in what she tells her friends about her relationship with us and her grandkids, she doesn't actually want one.

my in-laws are not allowed to babysit our kids, or be around them unsupervised. we only see them when we have to out of obligation, not because we ever want to.

just tonight craig and i are watching The Biggest Loser. it's makeover week and their families were visiting and they were so proud of the great accomplishments the contestants have made. craig made a comment that he has never felt that from his parents. i know exactly what he is saying. it is always about them. when craig graduated from college and then went on to pass lots of the actuary exams, they are proud of themselves. when we were getting married, it was all about them and who they could invite, and if they could have their own dance, etc. when carter was born after i was on bed rest for 3 months, all my mil could say was how hard it was for her.

so this is just a small glimpse into what i (we) deal with... it is a damn good thing that my relationship with craig is so strong, because his parents are a lot of baggage. i wish they knew everything he has accomplished and achieved is not because of them, but in spite of them. it has always been his goal to be nothing like them when he grew up... and for that i am so proud.

a couple of pictures

here are a couple pictures from this weekend. it is always hard to get a family photo with all of us in it... and of course the cousin photo that we attempted to take at the studio that really didn't work out. all things considered, i think they turned out great!!!