"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

tonight i sit here with tears in my eyes. i just got an email to remind me of a fundraiser walk in town for a little boy cancer. he was diagnosed at age 6, and now he is 9 and just relapsed. his little sister is in carter' class. we got a notice last week that dana farber was going into his class to talk to the kids about cancer. they were doing this to help the little girl with her brother's condition. their dad is also the gym teacher in the school. anyways, long story short, i was thinking about this family tonight.

i have also been thinking of a few of my friends going through difficult times right now. i really wish i could give them each of a big hug and tell them it is all going to be ok.

sometimes life just doesn't seem fair. i think we all hit a bump in the road when we question everything. when life keeps throwing us curve balls, and we are suppose to carry on with our heads held high.

i am so glad that i have discovered this world of blogging. not only am i able to get out my own thoughts, emotions, vents, and share some pictures. i am able to read the thoughts and emotions of my friends. i really wish i had this as an outlet when i hit my lowest point.

2004 was the worst year in my life. from start to finish, it just sucked!!! i don't want to recount each painful month, but he major lows were that my brother died unexpectedly, my dad got diagnosed with colon cancer, my grandmother died, and i was struggling with infertility.

i felt like i had to keep it together and i would cry in the shower everyday so that carter didn't see me. i saw a therapist, went on anti-depressants, and i just kept on going. i think people were afraid to ask how i was doing - maybe they didn't want to hear the answer. i am usually the one who is there for everyone, and i really just needed someone to listen.

the good thing about blogs, is that you don't have to wait for someone to ask how you are doing. you can just type exactly what is on your mind.

i have been doing a lot of thinking lately. this year will mark the 5th anniversary of my brother's death. i cried everyday from july 22, 2004 - july 22, 2005. i got a phone call on the 1 year anniversary of his death from my doctor's office. i was pregnant! after 16 months of fertility issues, i was finally pregnant. that is the day my life changed.

i was no longer mourning a death, i was going to celebrate a life. at that point i really changed my emotional thought process. i really do believe everything that i went through has made me who i am today.

one of things i love most in this world are newborn babies. for me they are just everything perfect in the world. i could hold one all day and night. i wouldn't say i loved getting up with a newborn at 3 am, but i didn't mind it at all. it was quality time, and i knew it wouldn't last forever. it's not that i didn't love carter, but i don't think i appreciated him as much as i did mason.

funny, how one email about a 9 year old with cancer can lead to all these thoughts. i guess what i am trying to say, is that even though 2004 was the worst year of my life, it has made me who i am today... and through my pain, i have become a strong, sensitive and compassionate person.

Shannon and Craig

when we were at the park last week, i heard a little voice say "hey shannon... look at me". i looked up at the slide and saw mason. with a big smile, he waved and said "shannon" again. as the weekend went on, mason thought it was so funny to call us shannon and craig, not mommy and daddy. i remember when carter went through a phase when he thought this was cute too. i think we are finally back to being mom and dad.

last weekend we also switched hadley to her big girl car seat!!! i think she is digging her new ride!! although it is hard at first to not have the infant carrier, my back was killing!!!

today we had hadley's 4 month check-up (a little late). she is perfect, and doing great! she is a big girl, and weighed in at 17 lbs. i will have to check all the other stats, they are still out in the car. how cut is this halter dress??? i guess i should be happy it is 90 degrees today, because i don't think it will still fit this summer. btw, she loves to eat her dresses....

friday... finally!

well, this has been a long week. today we had an almost perfect day. i brought the kids up to my parents house for a visit. once we were there and settled, i took the kids for a walk down to the park to meet my friend courtney and her 3 year old son, graham. the park is a quick, 5 minute walk from my parents house. so we get there, and as soon as i park the stroller in a shaded section of the park, we heard a loud bang! i looked around, to see where the noise came from... finally the women next to me said she thought it was my stroller's tire that popped. wtf? i was annoyed, and had no idea how it happened. so i called my mom and asked her to drive my car down to the park soon, since i needed to get all 3 kids and a busted stroller back to their house.

ok, i was ready to enjoy the beautiful weather, and spend a couple hours at at the park. literally 1 minute later, mason came up to me and told me he peed his pants. seriously??? i couldn't believe it. since he has been potty trained, he has never had an accident out of the house. i was thankful my mom was already driving my car down, b/c i had extra clothes in there.

finally, we were ready to enjoy our afternoon. today was a beautiful day! the sky was blue, it was in the low 70's, and the sun was shining! really, it was the perfect day! after a couple hours at the park, we headed back to my parents house. tomorrow is my mom's b-day, so i wanted to spend the day with her. now that carter is in school full time, i don't to visit with my parents as often as i would like.

we stayed until bedtime, and i packed up my car, the kids, and all our stuff. it's funny how my once large, beast of an suv is suddenly starting to feel small. everyone fell asleep and i was able to move the kids to their beds/crib. it was really a nice day, and the perfect end to vacation week.

here are the pictures

day 4

good lord i have done a lot of driving this week... today craig brought carter to work with him because it is "bring your kid to work day". we packed carter's bag full of fun things to keep him busy and still allow craig get some work done. we knew he wouldn't last the whole day, because watching an actuary work is not all that exciting, so we had planned for me to pick carter up at lunch time.

mason had his swimming lesson this morning, and after that we headed up to the atrium mall for the 3rd time this week. i wanted to get my mom a birthday gift, and i forgot to pick it up when i was there on tuesday. i also wanted to check out janie and jack to use the rest of the store credit i had for there. miss hadley now has another pretty dress to add to her collection!!!

craig and carter met us at cheesecake factory, and we all had a nice lunch together. i get the same thing every time - factory chopped salad w/ ranch dressing. i think i could eat that everyday if i had the chance!!! so good!!! after lunch i brought the kids home, and craig returned to work.

i would say today was a good day!!! tonight i am getting out of the house for a little sanity and shopping!

what's going on?

hadley has had a low grade fever for over a week now... last friday i brought her to the doctor's for them to check her ears, and sure enough she had an infection. we started her on her antibiotic and the low grade fever stayed. she was running anywhere from 100.3 - 100.6. i brought her back to the pedi on tuesday and they said her ears looked good, to just watch her temp. they were not too concerned b/c she is happy, sleeping good, and eating well. i just took her temp. again today and it is 101.1 - i guess i will just keep track of it and bring it up with her doctor at her appointment on tuesday. i have no idea what is going on...

here are some pictures of the little lady... such a good girl!!!! well, except that she now enjoys pooping while in the extersaucer, and that has lead to a lot of laundry due to poop explosions!!!

day 3

today we had our appointment with our ENT to follow up on the fluid in mason's ears. so this morning i dropped carter off for a play date at his friend olivia's house, and then headed to children's to see our doctor.

today mason's ears looks good. we discussed my concerns with his speech and language. lately his speech has become very robotic sounding. he also says "what?" all day long. well, he passed both his hearing test, and the test to check the ear drums... great news! i also asked for the doctor's opinion on hadley's ears since she is on her 3rd ear infection and she is only 4 months old.

basically the doctor told us that he is hoping that the kids will both have healthy ears now that we are entering spring/summer. if either get an infection before the fall, to give him a call and we can discuss putting tubes in, but he doesn't want to be too aggressive right now. so, now we just wait and see.

after our appointment, we met some friends for ice cream at Tootsie's. today is opening day for the season, and we all got an ice cream... too bad it started to rain, and we couldn't eat outside like we planned. one of our favorite things to do in the summer on sunday nights is to get an ice cream at Tootsie's and walk to the center of town and listen to the concern on the common. i can't wait to bring hadley this summer. lots of times we meet andra and phil there, and this year avery will join us too!!!

so far this week i have spent a lot of time driving... and it looks like the rest of the week will be busy too. if we don't stay busy, then the week seems to drag on forever.

in other news, poor mason wants to be just like carter. everything and anything carter does, mason wants to follow. he gets so sad when he can't do it all. one of these days carter will like playing with his brother and not get so annoyed with him, and when he does i am sure mason will be there waiting for some brotherly love.

day 2 of vacation

today was much better - no puke! my sil and i brought the kids to get their pictures taken for my mil's mother's day gift. let's just say, since avery was born in sept. my in laws have been dying to get a picture of all the grandkids. hadley was born 10 weeks after avery, so i thought it was best to wait until all the grandkids were born to do a photo session. so, today was the day...

it actually went well, all the kids were happy and smiled... just not always at the same time. the hardest part is after they take the photos, the photographer goes back and does some editing, and putting together your slide show, that is where the boys start to get restless. usually if craig is with me, he brings them to the play area in the mall, or for walk. today they were stuck waiting there with me.

after a couple of time-outs and lollipops, i finally get to see the pictures... they sure did come out good.

here is the link - http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/orderpage.aspx?pi=0IPJ0B6H000000&po=0&c=3CJ91N if you need a password, it is 2389.

not off to a good start...

this week is april vacation, which means no school, no scheduled activities, no rushing in the morning, and no stress. i was looking forward to play dates, going to the park, and just relaxing a bit. today we were going to visit my aunt, some of my cousins and friends and then heading over to my parents house for the afternoon. carter and i made brownies, we packed our bags full of everything we would need for a long day out of our house, and we were off. well, about 45 minutes into our trip mason said he didn't feel well, and i soon as i looked in the rear view mirror, i saw him vomit. i put on my blinker and tried to get over to the right lane as fast as i could. i was on the phone with craig, and had to hang up quickly. well, the puking didn't stop, it kept coming... i noticed we were really close to an exit, and knew it would be safer to get off the highway.

as if cleaning puke isn't gross enough, it is even worse when you don't have the comforts of home, towels, water, new clothes, etc. it can be actually quite difficult. since we had our bags packed for the day, i had a pair of pj's to change mason into. we were also close to craig's office, so he came to bring me his car seat, so i didn't have to put mason back in the one filled with vomit.

2 hours later, we are back to where we started... but now i have 2 very unhappy boys. thankfully mason was fine for the rest of the day. when we got home he wanted chocolate cookies and milk, not the saltine's and water i offered him. after lunch i gave him a bath, and as soon as he came out, he asked if it was time to go to auntie lu lu's house yet. clearly, he was feeling much better.

the rest of my afternoon was spent washing clothes, and car seat covers. when craig got home he cleaned the inside of my car.

i am really hoping the rest of the week goes better... wish me luck!!!

TGIF

today is friday, and i have been looking forward to this day all week. today is the first day all week we don't have to be anywhere at a specific time. we have a whole day we can do whatever we want with... sounds simple, but you wouldn't imagine the scheduling that goes on with 3 kids. i also love to watch the weather, and this week it has been in the 50's, but today is suppose to be 70 and sunshine!!! oh, and the best part of today, is that craig and i are going to have a date night tonight!!! my amazing babysitter who comes every wed. for a couple of hours has offered to come tonight to give craig and i a chance to go out. since hadley, we have only gone out once alone while my mom watched the kids.

here are some pictures from the last week... my own personal foto friday!

chunky girl, sporting her new red sox gear!!!

oh, and this was the weather last saturday when i was setting up our easter egg hunt for our friends. we had about 8 families coming to our house rain or shine... i had to set up the egg hunt in the house for the kids, and the garage was where we all hung out.

family update

me - i am still doing WW, although i have been thrown some challenges. our treadmill, isn't working, so i have been trying to go out for walks during the day. the weather isn't always accommodating... it is spring time in new england. also, our weekends are getting busy with t-ball, swimming, baby/bridal showers, and family gatherings, so getting to my weekly meetings is getting harder. i need to just make sure i keep my weight loss a priority. also, a bit tmi but i am having issues with the pill, and have noticed since i started taking it, my weight loss has really slowed down, so i am trying to figure out my options there. other than that, all is good in my world. i think i am doing a great job with the 3 kids. i still am able to get out with my friends for some quality down time, which is much needed and appreciated. life is good!!!

craig- he is doing great with his weight loss. i think he is down about 30 lbs. now. he is a great dad and husband. he has a ton of vacation time, and has been taking some random days off which has been fun. also, i think he is having more fun with carter's new DS than carter is.

carter - i had carter's parent/teacher conference last week. he is doing so good in school. he is now reading, and loves his dr. seuss books. he is a good boy in school, which i was so happy to hear. he is actually really good at home too. we had a slight adjustment period after he started full day kindergarten this year, but ever since mid-november, he has pulled it together. he always comes home and reports everyone's bad behavior and i was a bit nervous that he may have been involved more than he lets on, but mrs. lamb assured me that he is one of her top students. just a quick example - carter told me that russell and kevin got in big trouble. he informed me that kevin pulled down his pants and told russell to smell his butt, and russell actually did it! thank god, it wasn't my kid!!!

mason - when mason turned 3 he no longer qualified for early intervention services. our town tested him and determined that he does need to continue getting speech, and offered us 2 sessions per week (3o min. each). he has also had 3 ear infections since his tubes came out last fall. both his pedi and speech therapist think getting tubes again with help with his language. we have a follow-up appointment with his ENT next week, so i guess we'll see what he says. mason is fun and friendly. he ADORES his big brother, and wants to do EVERYTHING that carter does. it is really cute to watch. i am trying to skip naps all together these days... he was staying up way too late on the days he napped. so we are replacing nap time with walk time. mason has a busy schedule for a 3 year old. on mondays we do play group, tues/fri speech, wed. miss stephanie comes for 2 hours, and thurs. we have swimming. busy, busy, busy!!!!

hadley - my beautiful baby girl!!! she is amazing... she is happy, and just goes with the flow. she is a big girl!!! she may be a bit on the chunky side, but i love it! i now can only buy her a few outfits at a time, b/c she is growing so fast. like most 3rd children, she is on the go and is a trooper. i can't wait for her 4 month appointment later this month to see what her stats are. i am waiting for the weather to be a little bit warmer, and then i plan on moving her out of her infant carrier, and into her big girl car seat. today was beautiful outside, and after our walk she got her first swing ride. she loved it!!! and then she feel asleep in the swing... i couldn't imagine our family without her.

so there you have it, a bit of an update on all of us. i am going to try to upload some pictures to post later this week.

Happy Easter

4 months

seriously, i can't believe hadley is 4 months old... time is flying by! we are having so much fun. she is an easy, happy, go with the flow baby. this month we are showing off all her rolls!!! she is so cute... i just love her!!!!

Go Red Sox!!!

today marks opening day at fenway park... go red sox!!!

WW

just a quick update... i did it!!! i feel the urge to sing the theme song to Dora!!! i hit my goal, and lost all my pregnancy weight by april 5th, which is the day i found out i was pregnant last year. i am pretty sure i gained around 38lbs or so.

yesterday i went to weight watchers before Carter's b-day party. i was down 1.2 lbs this week, with a total loss of 15.4!!!! i am so proud of myself!! so, i now need another goal to keep me going. i am hoping to be down another 15 lbs. by my b-day (june 28th). that would be a major accomplishment for me. wish me luck!!!

Happy Birthday Carter

happy 6th birthday carter!!! i can't believe how fast the last 6 years have gone by! you are such a wonderful boy, and i just love you so much!!! here are some of my favorite pictures of you. this was hard to pick just a couple from the last 6 years...

here are you first day of school pictures - i make you stand in front of the same tree each year.

today i was able to go to your school and read a story to your class for your birthday. i can't wait to give you your birthday gift when you come home from school today, i know you are going to love it! and you should since you asked for it! :) tonight we are going to Red Robin 's for dinner. since you don't like cake, you are excited to get a milk shake with your dinner.

i love you!!! xoxo

6 years ago

i remember it like yesterday... 6 years ago, i was up all night. i couldn't sleep because i was so excited, and nervous. my life would never be the same, i was going to become a mom. after 9 months of pregnancy with the final 3 months on bed rest, i was going to cross the finish line and give birth. (i had an induction and had to be at the hospital at 7 am the next morning.)

i love my kids so much. each of them has a very special place in my heart and brought something to my life that was missing. carter made me a mom. before i had him, i was either Shannon or Mrs. Jacobs, and on april 2, 2003 i got a new title, i became mommy. when you have your first child, your world really changes. the days of sleeping in, going out late, and doing whatever you want, when you want are over. my life suddenly had more purpose. craig and i went from a couple to a family.

we also made the decision for me to be a SAHM, and that is was an adjustment too. i loved my job and my co-workers, and although i loved staying home with carter, i did feel isolated at first. i was jealous that craig still got to go out after work, and go out for lunch. it was then i decided that i needed to treat being a mom as my career. we joined play groups, moms club and did gymboree. we went for daily walks, trips to target and even had lunch dates at Friendly's. i made sure i showered and got dressed every morning, i kept up with my hair and pedicures. it was important for me to feel good about myself and not let myself go. i became the CEO of the Jacobs family.

six years later, and i couldn't imagine doing anything else. i love and enjoy my life, my family and my kids.