random thoughts for july

so, it's july and i doing ok.... since my brother died, i have hated the month of july. well, not the whole month, but from the 5th on, it just brings up sad feelings for me.

in years past i would think about richie's last birthday, and the last time he came over, the day my dad called to tell me to hurry over to their house, and the list goes on. this year something is different... i have not cried at all. his birthday came and went, and i was ok. sure i thought about him, and i keep him in my thoughts, but i didn't have the anxiety level i usually have.

on the 22nd it will be 6 years since he has passed... it is hard to think of all the things that i have accomplished since he has been gone. it is also hard to think of everything my dad has gone through, and how much easier it would be if i had the support of a sibling. but it is what it is...

speaking of my dad, he is doing so much better with his recovery. he still gets tired easily, and his back side still hurts, but he is doing better. he will be starting chemo again tomorrow... i just hope he can make it through easier this time since he won't have to do radiation too.

also it is hard to believe that this is the month our "surprise baby" would have been due. since being pregnant again, i really haven't thought about my miscarriage too much. not that i am happy i had a m/c, but boy, i couldn't even imagine having another baby right now.

so there you go... my deep thoughts for the month of july.

this week both boys are doing camp at the elementary school and it has been a nice break in my day (a 3 hour break to be exact). yesterday i went to get a pedicure with my friend jen. hadley came and just sat on my lap the whole time. today we went out for lunch with ilana and jen and then bought a vera bradley bag. it is the weekender bag, and will be perfect for me to bring on the plane for our upcoming trip to disney. they didn't have the pattern i wanted, so i might try to exchange it another day this week.

speaking of disney, the countdown is on.... i'm having a lot of "what was i thinking" moments. it was a much better idea in january when it was freezing out, and i wasn't pregnant. i'm sure we will have a great time.

tomorrow i have a doctor's appointment... i still love going to the doctor's after all these years (and complications). i even have a doppler this time, but it is just something so reassuring about seeing my doctor.

along with my random thoughts, here are some random pictures from the last week...