random thoughts for july

so, it's july and i doing ok.... since my brother died, i have hated the month of july. well, not the whole month, but from the 5th on, it just brings up sad feelings for me.

in years past i would think about richie's last birthday, and the last time he came over, the day my dad called to tell me to hurry over to their house, and the list goes on. this year something is different... i have not cried at all. his birthday came and went, and i was ok. sure i thought about him, and i keep him in my thoughts, but i didn't have the anxiety level i usually have.

on the 22nd it will be 6 years since he has passed... it is hard to think of all the things that i have accomplished since he has been gone. it is also hard to think of everything my dad has gone through, and how much easier it would be if i had the support of a sibling. but it is what it is...

speaking of my dad, he is doing so much better with his recovery. he still gets tired easily, and his back side still hurts, but he is doing better. he will be starting chemo again tomorrow... i just hope he can make it through easier this time since he won't have to do radiation too.

also it is hard to believe that this is the month our "surprise baby" would have been due. since being pregnant again, i really haven't thought about my miscarriage too much. not that i am happy i had a m/c, but boy, i couldn't even imagine having another baby right now.

so there you go... my deep thoughts for the month of july.

this week both boys are doing camp at the elementary school and it has been a nice break in my day (a 3 hour break to be exact). yesterday i went to get a pedicure with my friend jen. hadley came and just sat on my lap the whole time. today we went out for lunch with ilana and jen and then bought a vera bradley bag. it is the weekender bag, and will be perfect for me to bring on the plane for our upcoming trip to disney. they didn't have the pattern i wanted, so i might try to exchange it another day this week.

speaking of disney, the countdown is on.... i'm having a lot of "what was i thinking" moments. it was a much better idea in january when it was freezing out, and i wasn't pregnant. i'm sure we will have a great time.

tomorrow i have a doctor's appointment... i still love going to the doctor's after all these years (and complications). i even have a doppler this time, but it is just something so reassuring about seeing my doctor.

along with my random thoughts, here are some random pictures from the last week...

if you don't have something nice to say...

seriously, after so many pregnancies, i am still shocked by the comments of strangers. is there some rule that you can say whatever you want to a pregnant women?

today while checking out at the grocery store (with hadley and mason) the cashier asked me when i was due. she smiled and seemed nice. i am guessing she was close to 70 years old... when i told her november, she kinda snapped back at me and said, "wow, you're already big!", so i just smiled. really, what was i gonna say to that one? then she said, "oh, and you are carrying really low." so, i smiled again and i said "oh, i don't know..." she then when on and on about how low i was, and if i carried all my kids this low and if i always get so big... good lord, i wanted to tell her to shut up!!! and then she asked if i knew what i was having, and i told her we didn't find out, it was our 4th and final pregnancy. she rolled her eyes at me!!! really??? i mean, come on...

i am usually really nice and like to help when i am at the store. i just sat there, let her bag everything herself, and then waited for her to come put it in my cart. i was not helping the old bitch today!!!

seriously... i know i am not the only one who gets comments, all pregnant women do. i have also received more than my fair share of comments when people find out that this will be baby #4. usually i am out and about doing errands when the boys are at camp, or play dates... so lots of people assume i only have one or two other kids. when i tell them it will be my 4th, they look stunned. strangers also assume that this baby wasn't wanted or planned... so they say things like "surprise!" i usually then say something along the lines of after suffering from infertility and a miscarriage that i am very blessed with being able to have the large family that my husband and i always wanted. that usually shuts them up!!!

friends, family and the people around town that i see are all very supportive. there are many families in town that have 3-5 kids, so it isn't so uncommon. it is the random people at the store that have the most to say.

i think craig will agree with me that this is the #1 most crazy comment that i ever received. when i was pregnant with carter, i was working for boston public school at the summer school program. one of the girls i worked with was the principal's daughter. we got along well, she was a couple years younger than me, and we would hang out after work a lot. when i told her i was pregnant, her first question was "are you keeping it?" and there you go....

by the way... i got on the scale, and my total weight gain for this pregnancy is 6 lbs. here is a picture from today @ 20 weeks.

names, names, names....

this is hard! i got pregnant with carter 8 years ago, and have been thinking about names ever since. not only do i need to come up with a fourth name... but now all my friends have kids, and lots of cousins, etc. it is just so much harder this time. not to mention we need to come up with a name for a boy and a girl.

this list has not been approved by craig, actually he has not even seen this yet. i'm sure he will hate 99% of them.

so here goes...

Girls
Reid
Fiona
Amelia
Reese
Reagan
Kate/Cate
Norah
Emerson
Campbell
Parker

Boys
Reid
Griffin
Graham
Tate
Henry
Parker
Duncan
Brody

all thoughts, opinions, and suggestions are welcomed!!!

july 2nd - 9th

we had a great week... craig was off from work the 1st - 5th, and it was so nice to have him around. i love 5 day weekends!!!

we went to the beach on friday the 2nd... the kids had a great time!!! then we had a bbq w/ our friends at their house and they even set off some fireworks in their back yard. the kids were not a fan of them at all... that was all we needed to know we were not going to take them out see them on the 4th. lesson learned.
(beach photos)





the rest of the weekend was fun! we played outside, got ice cream, stayed up late, and slept in. it was perfect!!! i even got the fried scallops i had been craving!!!
(ice cream on the common)

(lunch at skipjack's)


on sunday i got an email from my niece's mother (did you get that?) asking if i could watch her one day. i offered to take her all week, to not only help out her mother, but i thought it would fun for her and for my kids. so her mom dropped her off on monday, and she stayed until friday. i wish it was nicer, but it was so hot that we couldn't got out too much. it reached over 100 degrees in our backyard tuesday through thursday.

since i had kayla all week i decided it would be fun to get their pictures taken for my parents anniversary gift. i took a quick trip to the gap to get hadley and kayla outfits to wear and just had the boys put on polo shirts. it was so easy, and not as stressful as picture day usually is. (these are photos of photos, so the quality is not so good). here is the link to check them all out (password is 2389)



http://www.photoreflect.com/store/Orderpage.aspx?pi=1UST009F000000&po=0&pc=40

it's a...

BABY!!!!! we stayed strong and didn't find out the gender of baby turk.

i don't think i posted this, but after my n/t scan and blood work, my risk of having a baby with down syndrome was 1 in 280. for my age it should be around 1 in 625, so it was elevated.

when i talked to my doctor about it my appointment last week, she told me that i could get an amnio if i wanted. she didn't want me to be stressed at all during the my pregnancy. craig and i decided that if all went well today with my anatomy scan at maternal fetal medicine that we would decline the amnio, but if for any questions or markers, we would go ahead and get one.

our ultrasound today went well. before they started we were asked if we wanted to know the gender. we watched our baby move and groove all over. i personally think that the profile looks similar to hadley's, so my unofficial guess is girl.




our tech said everything looked great and she would go over everything with the doctor and she would be back to scan me herself.

the doctor came in, and reassured us that everything she saw looked great, and they can usually detect up to 80% of down syndrome cases based on u/s. she looked over the baby again and talked us through every step. while talking to the doctor, i mentioned i had a friend (hi angela!) that has a son w/ DS and it was not detected through her u/s. she then scanned me again, and talked about where all the markers are that they look for... i felt very reassured after today's scan. my chances are now 1 in 560, and i know there is no guarantee, but i am optimistic that everything will be ok. if for any reason i want an amnio in the next week, i can call and get one scheduled.

oh, and as the doctor was leaving she said with a smile "i know the gender of your baby... i just had to look."

10 years...

so, today is our 10th anniversary... wow, i really can't believe how fast the last 10 years have gone. i feel like i hit the jack pot... i married my soulmate and my best friend. we have an amazing marriage and partnership. i love my life!!!! (even on days that i have to say a little summer prayer...lol)

i did exchange the jewelry that craig originally gave me... this is the new set and i love it!!!






today craig dropped carter off at basketball camp, and i got to rest this morning. he brought home bagels from panera, and coffee from dunkin' donuts... a good way to start the day. while i was in the shower, i missed the flower delivery, so they were waiting for me when i got out. to top off the day the weather was absolutely gorgeous and we had our big 18 week ultrasound.

carter had baseball tonight, so we just had take-out after the kids went to bed.... nothing too crazy or exciting, but it was a nice day.

happy anniversary craig!!! i love you very much!!! xoxo

oh, and here is a cute picture of hadley... she cracks me up!!! she sure does love accessories!