it's been 2 months since my m/c and i am still hurting... it's not like i cry everyday, and can't function with society. but i am hurting inside.
i should be 19 weeks pregnant. i should be able to know my baby's gender if i want to. i should be talking about baby names with my husband and hoping that he will finally let me use the name Reid.
i know i am not the first person to have a m/c, i know i am not the last... everyone deals with it so different. in my everyday life, you would never know. i don't talk about it often, not even to my husband. just every once in a while i get sad when i think about where i should be.
i think i also had high expectations that i would be able to get pregnant again quickly. everyone told me their success stories, and how they got pregnant again the cycle after their m/c, and how fertile i would be.
oh, and i got a bill from pathology in the mail last week. one of the doctor's did mention that they could/would test the fetus to see if they could find a reason for the m/c. i didn't really think anything of it until i got that bill. now i am wondering if i want to call and see if they got any results. is it worth it? does it matter? it is what it is, and i can't change it.
lots going on in my brain tonight...
update:
*** i called today and talked to a nurse... she looked in my file and said that she couldn't find that any chromosomal testing was done. i feel better that i asked, and am ok that i don't have an answer. ***
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Oh, Shannon.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
Praying for you.
(((Hugs)))
I feel for you and I really think I would be the same way. I wish I could hug you and make it all feel better, but that's a journey your heart needs to take so it can heal. You're in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDelete((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI should put this on email but I'm lazy. I know how you feel. My first pregnancy was ectopic and a surprise. It ended as all ectopics do, and I was broken. Crap, I'm gonna cry now. I thought about that baby every day until I got pregnant with Cooper. Was it a boy or girl? Was it healthy? The only thing wrong was where it implanted. Otherwise it would have been fine. In my case, it was out in my body cavity on the outside of my ovary. Now I wonder if I could have carried it?
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a lot of emotional hugs. There is nothing easy about a m/c. If you want to know what was wrong, call the pathologist. I felt so bumrushed through the system with mine, I never got any answers and it bothers me to this day.
I'm thinking about you.
I'm SO sorry Shannon. So sorry. I have been thinking a lot about you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Shannon. I can't put myself in your place so I won't pretend to know that pain.
ReplyDeleteI would call the pathologist myself... but that is my choice and my nature (to need to know and know NOW), and you make your own.
thank you so much for your kind words... they mean a lot to me. xxxx
ReplyDelete