hurting

it's been 2 months since my m/c and i am still hurting... it's not like i cry everyday, and can't function with society. but i am hurting inside.

i should be 19 weeks pregnant. i should be able to know my baby's gender if i want to. i should be talking about baby names with my husband and hoping that he will finally let me use the name Reid.

i know i am not the first person to have a m/c, i know i am not the last... everyone deals with it so different. in my everyday life, you would never know. i don't talk about it often, not even to my husband. just every once in a while i get sad when i think about where i should be.

i think i also had high expectations that i would be able to get pregnant again quickly. everyone told me their success stories, and how they got pregnant again the cycle after their m/c, and how fertile i would be.

oh, and i got a bill from pathology in the mail last week. one of the doctor's did mention that they could/would test the fetus to see if they could find a reason for the m/c. i didn't really think anything of it until i got that bill. now i am wondering if i want to call and see if they got any results. is it worth it? does it matter? it is what it is, and i can't change it.

lots going on in my brain tonight...

update:
*** i called today and talked to a nurse... she looked in my file and said that she couldn't find that any chromosomal testing was done. i feel better that i asked, and am ok that i don't have an answer. ***

snow much fun!!!!

the boys had so much fun playing in the snow this week...

25 hours

craig and i just enjoyed 25 hours (not that we were counting) without our beautiful children. we dropped them off at my parents house yesterday at around 12:30, and got them all settled, and by 1:00 we were ready to go.

we went to grab a quick lunch at one of our favorite places near their house and then headed home. craig went for a run, while i enjoyed a nap. we then got ready and went to the movies. we saw The Blind Side and it was so good!!!! then we headed to the CBS scene for some drinks and appetizers.

today i got to sleep in, enjoyed a trip to target without and children asking me to buy them toys, icees, and snacks. we were back at my parents house at 2:00 to pick up the kids. they were all so excited to see us.

today is valentine's day and we didn't exchange gifts, we didn't even do cards this year. we were able to just enjoy each other.

it is amazing how re-energized (is that a word?) i feel after 25 hours. i am ready to tackle vacation week now...

14 months old

3rd post in one day... am i on a roll or what? i love fridays! we have no plans, no school (for mason), no speech, etc. it is our catch up day and i love it!!!




anyways, miss hadley is 14 months old now. boy, the time sure does go by fast!!!! she really has become quite the little toddler. she walks/runs around the house. she has opinions now on what she likes and dislikes. she does a good job at getting her point across. she is so so funny, and loves to make her brothers laugh. she is still a daddy's girl, and runs to see craig every night when he gets home. she is just perfect!!!! i am really enjoying this age. and so far, she stays out of trouble. she has no interest in the stairs, or getting into too much. i am keeping my fingers crossed she stays mellow...

does she have my eyes?

the boys both had blue eyes as babies, but by 18 months the blue changed to gray, and then to green. hadley was born with the same blue eyes as her brothers, and i was really hoping at least one of my kids would have my eyes.

here are hadley's eyes at 14 months... i think there might be a good chance that they stay. let's see what happens between now and 18 months, but for now, i would say she has my eyes. (and pretty much every stranger we meet out and about stops me to tell me the same thing.)

TGIF

last night i was feeding the kids their dinner and it was a rare night of no fights!!!! i have been so proud of carter lately... no meltdowns at the dinner table. he even asked to try an orange and grapes this week. he tried them, and didn't hate them, so that is a step in the right direction. he even had a bite of a hot dog without gagging. now i know hot dogs are not exactly healthy but it is more that fact he usually won't even try anything new.

when i know i am going to make something for dinner that the kids don't exactly love, i just put some things on their plate that i know they will eat so they won't be hungry. most nights i cut up some apples, or give them string cheese along with what i make.

i really am trying to make sure that dinner time is not a stressful time. because when it is, it sucks!!! i hate ending a good day with a fight over food. now i simply say, it is my job to make you food, and it is your job to eat it. as long as i do my part i am ok. carter is the only one who has big attitude over meal time. he eats a good breakfast and lunch everyday, so i am not worried if he refuses to eat dinner here and there.

last night when i was feeding the kids, carter asked me if they fixed Haiti yet... i told him that it is going to take a long time to fix everything. he then asked if we can have some families stay with us while they wait for a new house. i was very proud of him to think like that. he then said they can sleep on the pull-out couch, because he doesn't want mason sleeping in his room... yup, that sounds like my 6 year old!

feb. 9th was the 100th day of school, so here are pictures of carter's hat he made, and our 100th day project we made at home.




here is a picture of mason from target this week.. i let him pick out a new toy (which i never really do) and he was just thrilled. usually craig is the one who buys fun stuff for the boys and i am the one who says no all the time. it felt nice to say yes, and see the joy on his face.



i am glad today is friday and the week is over... we had a good week, and today at 2:30 when school gets out, february vacation will begin. tomorrow the boys have a dentist appointment, and then all 3 kids are going to my parents for a sleepover... the last time i had a night off from all 3 of them was in august. craig and i still don't know what we are doing, but we really don't care. i'm sure we will figure it out. i am hoping next week will be fun and we can keep busy, and make sure everyone is happy! (hey, a girl can dream!)

here's a pic of hadley from the superbowl... she was so funny, and kept looking upside down through her legs.

donut friday

this morning i heard carter and craig talking while they were getting ready for school/work. carter told craig he was so excited that it was "donut friday". craig asked if it was a special day at school. carter responded back, saying no... mom picks me up at the bus stop on fridays and we go to dunkin' donuts.

i just started laughing... since it has been so cold, i have been driving to the top of the street to pick up carter. for the last couple of fridays we then drove to dunkin' donuts for momma to get her coffee fix, and i get the boys each a donut. i guess i didn't realize it was a part of our routine.

funny, how something so simple can mean so much. so today, i know where we are going after the bus comes...

prayers please

i don't do this often, but i would love some prayers for my dad... he was diagnosed with colon cancer 5 years ago. he had surgery to remove over a foot of his colon, and it was a difficult recovery. he goes in often for colonoscopies, and those have been good. his doctor was concerned with his blood test and wanted him to go in for a PET scan. today we got the results... he has a tumor on the outside of his rectum. a colonoscopy wouldn't have been able to detect it until it grew inward and got bigger, so they said probably another year or so...

the good news is that they caught it early. they will now do a biopsy and then figure out what to do after they get the results.

my dad sounded ok, but my poor mom sounded so scared. i just pray that everything is ok.

it is when issues like this come up that i get sad that i don't have siblings to be there with me to deal with family stuff.

a little bit of this... a little bit of that.

mason loves carter.
carter is annoyed by mason.
lather, rinse, repeat...

whenever carter plays his DS, mason drops everything and wants to watch carter. this annoys carter to no end. what's a mom to do? i have told carter that if he doesn't want mason to watch him, then he needs to play up in his room. well, carter doesn't like to be alone, and he figures having mason over his shoulder is the lesser of the evils.

fridays are great... no homework, it is the only night we skip bath/shower. it is an easy night. carter wanted some DS time, and of course mason wanted to watch. but unlike most night, carter didn't seem annoyed. the boys were talking, and hanging out and actually getting along.

i took the first picture b/c it cracks me up to always see mason watching carter. soon enough the boys were all cuddled together... and they actually had a really great night of getting along. yay for brothers!!!!



on sunday night we had a little wii time before bed. the boys boxed and it was so funny to watch... mason's little butt was shaking and his arms were going a mile a minute.

i know i have mentioned in the past that the wii is really fun for family time, especially in the winter when we are stuck inside more. we had our neighbors over for some game time, and we are planning a wii night with friends.


and now to the little lady in the house... she has sure kept me busy. i'm not really a fan of childproofing. i try to do things as needed and just the basics. i had the play room gated, as a safe place for her to play. hadley would scream every time we were in there. she hated being gated in. so i took down the gates and now we are just waiting to see what the little lady is going to get into.

she's enjoying her freedom... and her shirt says it all. she has been quite the daddy's girl lately. not to worry, she still loves her mama, but she will cuddle with craig all. day. long. the boys never showed him the love and affection that she does. and craig loves it!!!


she is also becoming a girlie girl. she likes to walk around with her purses. i love it!!! oh, and speaking of being a girlie girl, i have no idea what to do with her hair these days? she pulls out all hair clips and bows that look cute. she doesn't mind the "sprout", but her hair is getting too long for that. pig tails come out when she sits in her car seat... so i tried a headband. i got it at target and i thought it would look cute with her easter dress. she actually likes it. i may have to find some more and see how they stay in.

and finally her new ball house. i had craig set it up for her in the bonus room for when i am in my room getting ready, she has a place to play. she loves it!!! the boys will even sit in there with her and play, and it is so cute.




oh, and here's a couple more pics...



oh, and now that's it's february, we are onto the heart sandwich. about 2 years ago when i was desperate for mason to eat a sandwich, i was trying everything! for some reason the boy who would eat just about anything, didn't want to eat a simple pb&j. so i used a cookie cutter to make it fun, and he ate it up. mason hates crust, so it was a simple fix. and i am still doing it for him. usually me, hadley or carter will eat his sandwich leftovers...