so, here's my update...

Friday, Nov. 13th
shocked! that is what i was this morning when i saw two pink lines.... for anyone who has ever taken a pregnancy test, you know exactly what i am talking about. some women are praying to one day see those two lines, and others are scared. today i was neither. i was just shocked!

two days ago (nov. 11th) mason asked me a funny question. he asked when our baby was coming... i asked him to repeat himself, and then asked if my belly looked big (i felt bloated). he said no, my belly didn't look big, and then when i asked why he said that, he just responded "never mind".

his question did get me thinking. the only other time he said something like that is when my sil was pregnant, before she was showing.

so i get out my calendar where i always track my cycle and for some reason i never marked anything down for oct. so i am counting and trying to figure out when it was, so i can figure out when i was due for good old af. long story short, i can narrow down the week i had it, but no clue to the day. but from my calculations, i should have already got my period for this month. i figured i would wait until friday and then test if i still don't have it.

btw, i had a pregnancy test in my closet from months ago when my cycle was a bit crazy. i couldn't even begin to count all the negative pregnancy tests i have used in the years i was actually ttc. honestly, i was thinking i would take this silly test, it would be negative and then i would get my period an hour later.

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ok, it is now after lunch and guess what? the test is still positive! lol this is the first time i only took one test, and not 5 or 6. this is also the first time i got pregnant without actively ttc. i am such a planner, and i think that is why i am so shocked. of course, of all days, craig will be late tonight, and i am sitting here ready to burst!!! he always said he is a bit sad he never got the big surprise of walking through the door and getting this kinda news. well, that will change after tonight.

one more thing... i am not upset at all. i have always wanted 4 kids. i am not even scared, really i think i am just shocked (have i used that word enough today?) my other 3 pregnancies were so well thought out, and it took 16 months to get pregnant with mason, and 6+ months for hadley and each of them i was seeing my ob/gyn regularly, and needed a little bit of help with medication. honestly, i really didn't even think i would be able to get pregnant again w/out help.

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well, i waited all day and craig finally got home around 7:30ish. i put a note in the master's bathroom, along with the positive pregnancy test. i was listening to craig say goodnight to the boys and then i heard him go into our room to get changed. then he must have gone in the bathroom, and then i heard him come downstairs and i waited on the couch for his reaction. he was so happy! he gave me a big hug, and i got tears in my eyes. we tried to put our shock into words but didn't get very far...

i'll call my doctor's office on monday and figure out what's next. you would think i was an old pro by now!!!

Tuesday, Nov. 17th
ok, so the shock of this is finally fading away. i do feel like i am keeping a big secret inside and i am ready to burst!!! i picked up my prenatal vitamins, so now i guess it is starting to feel more real. i called my ob yesterday and i am going in tomorrow for a blood test. i am nervous for that... i never start out with high numbers and always have to go back to make sure they are doubling in the right time frame. i would love to do one blood draw tomorrow and be done with it. once i get the results of that back i think they will schedule my first few appointments.

i am already starting to feel nauseous... just not quite myself. i am tired, and want just a 1/2 cup of coffee, but that is making me feel sick too. i feel like i am too early to have these feeling already.

craig has been wonderful! he is happy, and calm and everything i need him to be right now...

i guess i will give an update once i know the results of my beta test... fingers crossed!!!!

Thursday, Nov. 19th
well, i'm pregnant! i talked to the nurse, and she said my blood test came out positive for pregnancy, but my number seemed a bit low for where she thought i should be (beta was 106). she then said i probably just ovulated later... well, i have no idea when i ovulated but i do know that my body tends to ovulate on the later side. (since i have 3 pregnancies under my belt.)

so, my appointment is scheduled for dec. 9th. i will get an u/s to date the pregnancy and then meet with the nurse to do all my paper work. my chart was already double the size of most patients there... good lord it is going to be a thick one!!!

oh, and while i was on the phone with the nurse she heard hadley playing in the background. she made some comment about whether or not i was happy with the pregnancy news. i said i always wanted four kids, but i am just a little surprised since we were not trying. she seemed shocked that i wanted four, and then told me how busy she is with her three... really lady?

i guess this is only beginning of the comments i will get. people will think i am crazy for having four (since they thought i was crazy for wanting four). add in the fact hadley will only be 19 months old, and yeah, i can see the looks and reactions now.

i am just praying that the next month goes by quickly...

Monday, Nov. 23rd
why am i so afraid to tell anyone that i am pregnant? i usually am not spilling my news to everyone, but i am usually excited to tell my parents and sil. i actually feel guilty that i have seen andra (my sil) twice since i found out and have not shared the news with her.

i originally wanted to wait until christmas to share my news, but i don't think i will be able to hold out that long. i feel bloated, and sick to my stomach with no desire to eat. december is a busy month with parties, and get togethers. we celebrate christmas with my side and hanukkah with craig's family.

i would love to tell my parents on thanksgiving, but i know once i do the 20 questions will start. i am not ready to play that game right now. i really need to wait until after my first u/s on dec. 9th and then i will know when my due date is which will be everyone's first question. i feel a bit dumb saying, "i don't know..."

i did share my news with kelly, who is one of my best friends. we went shopping and out to dinner the day after i found out, so i needed to spill the news to someone. i also shared it with a few of my close friends that i met on message board years ago. they are always very supportive, and i knew that would be just what i needed.

so for now i just sit, ready to explode with my news!

Wednesday, Nov. 25th
tonight i am the only one who is still up in my house. it is the night before thanksgiving and i am so thankful to be pregnant. i am also so scared that something may happen, and i am starting to fall in love. i love this little life inside me, and i don't know anything about "it".

i am the dreamer in the family, and i love to think about whether it will be a boy or girl, what names i like, how i will decorate the nursery, etc.

i have never had a m/c and i wonder if this time will be like the others, or will this be the one i lose?

i need to just stop and bring myself back to reality. tonight i am sitting on the couch, watching oprah, and i am pregnant. i am very thankful to be pregnant...

Wednesday, Dec. 2nd
one more week to go until the big u/s... i can't wait! truth be told, i am not feeling too great these days. i actually went to the grocery store today, but didn't have it in me to go inside. i did have my first craving... a chocolate milk shake from mcdonald's. my wonderful husband got me one and it was yummy!!!

my bloat is out of control. thank god it is fleece and sweater season... i don't know how much longer i can hide this. i did finally tell my sil last weekend. i had felt so guilty not sharing the news with her right away. my parents still don't know. i was tempted to tell them over thanksgiving, but my dad really has a big mouth. they are going to be blown away!!!

for now i have hadley's birthday to keep me occupied for the next week. her party is saturday, birthday is monday and one year appointment is tuesday. i also have my mom spending the night on friday night, and my niece sleeping over on saturday. lots to keep me busy!!!

i am praying for a healthy u/s next week and to find out when my due date is.

Monday, Dec. 7th
today is hadley's birthday. i was able to make it through her birthday weekend and kept my secret. boy, was it hard! my mom was here from friday to saturday, and there was about 100 times i wanted to tell her, but i didn't. i really want to surprise them when i have all my facts. i also don't think it would be fair to ask her to keep it from my dad, and since he has such a big mouth, and i don't want the world knowing yet, it is best to keep it to myself.

i have not been feeling that great lately, and with all the birthday and holiday preparations i have been so tired. craig has been wonderful!!! he has been helping me out so much!!! when he gets home i can rest and relax and he will take over. even my mom kept saying how great he is and that he helps out so much. i am so lucky!!!

just a couple more days until my appointment and then hopefully i can start sharing my news.

Wednesday, Dec. 9th
so i had my appointment this morning. it is usually a 40 minute drive, but with the weather it took 1.5 hours. craig took the day off, so he drove us which was nice.

when i walked in, i saw my doctor, and she came over and gave me and craig both big hugs! it was great to see her since my appointment was with a nurse today.

i had my u/s and everything looked good. i don't know exactly when my lmp was, but i have been thinking i was around 7-8 weeks. the u/s showed the sac, a baby and the heartbeat. the h/r was 119 and the baby measured 6w1d. they said everything looked perfect.

when i met with the nurse, i questioned the 2 week difference, and she just assured me everything looked good. if the baby was suppose to be 8 weeks but only measuring 6 then the h/r would have been slower. to ease my mind she agreed to have me go back in 2 weeks to make sure everything is right on track.

so that's my update... i am trying to stay positive, but also realistic.

*** i debated to publish this post or not. since this is my blog i felt that i wanted to get my thoughts down now before it got too late. i am not "public" yet with my family and friends, and would like to wait until after my next u/s on dec. 23rd.