what to do?

sometimes making parenting decisions can be difficult...

ok, so here's the deal. carter is in the 2nd grade, and there was a new boy in his class this year. when we asked carter who he played with at recess, or sat next to at lunch time, he would always talk about this boy. great, carter has a new friend.

then in september when i went to the open house night at the school, this boys mother was there. now i know they say don't judge a book by it's cover, but i'm just going to put it out there... i did, and i do. the mom wasn't dressed nice at all, didn't seem to fit in with the look of most the moms i have met in town.

whatever, so i probably won't be friends with this women, but it wouldn't stop me from having carter play with her son. and then one day on the way to the soccer fields, carter points this boy out. he was playing outside his house, which is a set of low-income town houses. really, i didn't even know this section of town existed. through my eyes, i thought our town was mostly middle - upper middle class.

ok, so now i am thinking, if carter wants to have this boy over some day, that would be fine, but i didn't want him going to his house. i told craig my thoughts, and he agreed.

so now the tricky part... last week our phone rang a couple of times, and on the called id was this boy from class. he didn't leave a message, so i kinda ignored it. the next day i ran into another one of carter's friends moms at the store. she told me that there was a message for carter on her answering machine from this other boy. he was inviting him to his birthday party. the party was at his house next week. then the mom said she was glad her son wasn't invited b/c she wouldn't let him go. her husband is a cop in town and is always called to those housing projects. she said what i was thinking... i felt validated, that it wasn't just me making judgements.

last friday, carter got off the bus telling me all about the party, and that this boy had him write down all the info. to go. i told carter that's not how we do things. his friends mom would have to call or email me...

today the phone rang again and i let the machine pick it up... the boy was calling again, reminding carter about his party. at this point my heart was breaking for this little boy. he is planning his own party, inviting friends, and everything. the image of this boy waiting by his window at 2:00 on saturday to see if his friends show up, knowing that most wouldn't, just seriously breaks my heart.

craig called back, and of course the boy answered. craig talked to his mom and just let her know that carter wouldn't be able to make it.

i know we are making the best decision, but it still sucks. i feel bad for this little boy, who has done nothing wrong, but i have to follow my gut. if we didn't have other plans with our family, then maybe i would consider letting carter go if one of us could stay and supervise, but that's not going to work.