broken

i feel broken... both physically and mentally right now. i pulled out my back on sunday and it kills!!! my body is crooked and it hurts to do everything, except lay flat. this isn't the first time i have done this, but it has been almost 1 1/2 years since it last happened. craig had to take yesterday and today off from work to help me out. i can't pick hadley up without feeling like i am going to break my back. it sucks!!! it is days like today that i wish i had a full time job and daycare for the kids.

tomorrow is the 5 year anniversary of my brother's death. i hate july 22... hate, hate, hate!!!! i hate when i see it on the calendar, and i even hate when the clock says 7:22. i also hate that it is my sil's b-day that day.

i really wish i was in a place where i could look back at my brother's life and remember all the fun things, and the laughs. but i can't. instead i relive the day over and over again. i wish july 22nd wasn't about his death, but about his life. i have no idea if i will ever get to that point, but all i know is for now i am not there.

today i just feel broken!

here is a picture of Richie with Carter when he was a newborn. i love this picture...