"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

tonight i sit here with tears in my eyes. i just got an email to remind me of a fundraiser walk in town for a little boy cancer. he was diagnosed at age 6, and now he is 9 and just relapsed. his little sister is in carter' class. we got a notice last week that dana farber was going into his class to talk to the kids about cancer. they were doing this to help the little girl with her brother's condition. their dad is also the gym teacher in the school. anyways, long story short, i was thinking about this family tonight.

i have also been thinking of a few of my friends going through difficult times right now. i really wish i could give them each of a big hug and tell them it is all going to be ok.

sometimes life just doesn't seem fair. i think we all hit a bump in the road when we question everything. when life keeps throwing us curve balls, and we are suppose to carry on with our heads held high.

i am so glad that i have discovered this world of blogging. not only am i able to get out my own thoughts, emotions, vents, and share some pictures. i am able to read the thoughts and emotions of my friends. i really wish i had this as an outlet when i hit my lowest point.

2004 was the worst year in my life. from start to finish, it just sucked!!! i don't want to recount each painful month, but he major lows were that my brother died unexpectedly, my dad got diagnosed with colon cancer, my grandmother died, and i was struggling with infertility.

i felt like i had to keep it together and i would cry in the shower everyday so that carter didn't see me. i saw a therapist, went on anti-depressants, and i just kept on going. i think people were afraid to ask how i was doing - maybe they didn't want to hear the answer. i am usually the one who is there for everyone, and i really just needed someone to listen.

the good thing about blogs, is that you don't have to wait for someone to ask how you are doing. you can just type exactly what is on your mind.

i have been doing a lot of thinking lately. this year will mark the 5th anniversary of my brother's death. i cried everyday from july 22, 2004 - july 22, 2005. i got a phone call on the 1 year anniversary of his death from my doctor's office. i was pregnant! after 16 months of fertility issues, i was finally pregnant. that is the day my life changed.

i was no longer mourning a death, i was going to celebrate a life. at that point i really changed my emotional thought process. i really do believe everything that i went through has made me who i am today.

one of things i love most in this world are newborn babies. for me they are just everything perfect in the world. i could hold one all day and night. i wouldn't say i loved getting up with a newborn at 3 am, but i didn't mind it at all. it was quality time, and i knew it wouldn't last forever. it's not that i didn't love carter, but i don't think i appreciated him as much as i did mason.

funny, how one email about a 9 year old with cancer can lead to all these thoughts. i guess what i am trying to say, is that even though 2004 was the worst year of my life, it has made me who i am today... and through my pain, i have become a strong, sensitive and compassionate person.

Shannon and Craig

when we were at the park last week, i heard a little voice say "hey shannon... look at me". i looked up at the slide and saw mason. with a big smile, he waved and said "shannon" again. as the weekend went on, mason thought it was so funny to call us shannon and craig, not mommy and daddy. i remember when carter went through a phase when he thought this was cute too. i think we are finally back to being mom and dad.

last weekend we also switched hadley to her big girl car seat!!! i think she is digging her new ride!! although it is hard at first to not have the infant carrier, my back was killing!!!

today we had hadley's 4 month check-up (a little late). she is perfect, and doing great! she is a big girl, and weighed in at 17 lbs. i will have to check all the other stats, they are still out in the car. how cut is this halter dress??? i guess i should be happy it is 90 degrees today, because i don't think it will still fit this summer. btw, she loves to eat her dresses....

friday... finally!

well, this has been a long week. today we had an almost perfect day. i brought the kids up to my parents house for a visit. once we were there and settled, i took the kids for a walk down to the park to meet my friend courtney and her 3 year old son, graham. the park is a quick, 5 minute walk from my parents house. so we get there, and as soon as i park the stroller in a shaded section of the park, we heard a loud bang! i looked around, to see where the noise came from... finally the women next to me said she thought it was my stroller's tire that popped. wtf? i was annoyed, and had no idea how it happened. so i called my mom and asked her to drive my car down to the park soon, since i needed to get all 3 kids and a busted stroller back to their house.

ok, i was ready to enjoy the beautiful weather, and spend a couple hours at at the park. literally 1 minute later, mason came up to me and told me he peed his pants. seriously??? i couldn't believe it. since he has been potty trained, he has never had an accident out of the house. i was thankful my mom was already driving my car down, b/c i had extra clothes in there.

finally, we were ready to enjoy our afternoon. today was a beautiful day! the sky was blue, it was in the low 70's, and the sun was shining! really, it was the perfect day! after a couple hours at the park, we headed back to my parents house. tomorrow is my mom's b-day, so i wanted to spend the day with her. now that carter is in school full time, i don't to visit with my parents as often as i would like.

we stayed until bedtime, and i packed up my car, the kids, and all our stuff. it's funny how my once large, beast of an suv is suddenly starting to feel small. everyone fell asleep and i was able to move the kids to their beds/crib. it was really a nice day, and the perfect end to vacation week.

here are the pictures

day 4

good lord i have done a lot of driving this week... today craig brought carter to work with him because it is "bring your kid to work day". we packed carter's bag full of fun things to keep him busy and still allow craig get some work done. we knew he wouldn't last the whole day, because watching an actuary work is not all that exciting, so we had planned for me to pick carter up at lunch time.

mason had his swimming lesson this morning, and after that we headed up to the atrium mall for the 3rd time this week. i wanted to get my mom a birthday gift, and i forgot to pick it up when i was there on tuesday. i also wanted to check out janie and jack to use the rest of the store credit i had for there. miss hadley now has another pretty dress to add to her collection!!!

craig and carter met us at cheesecake factory, and we all had a nice lunch together. i get the same thing every time - factory chopped salad w/ ranch dressing. i think i could eat that everyday if i had the chance!!! so good!!! after lunch i brought the kids home, and craig returned to work.

i would say today was a good day!!! tonight i am getting out of the house for a little sanity and shopping!

what's going on?

hadley has had a low grade fever for over a week now... last friday i brought her to the doctor's for them to check her ears, and sure enough she had an infection. we started her on her antibiotic and the low grade fever stayed. she was running anywhere from 100.3 - 100.6. i brought her back to the pedi on tuesday and they said her ears looked good, to just watch her temp. they were not too concerned b/c she is happy, sleeping good, and eating well. i just took her temp. again today and it is 101.1 - i guess i will just keep track of it and bring it up with her doctor at her appointment on tuesday. i have no idea what is going on...

here are some pictures of the little lady... such a good girl!!!! well, except that she now enjoys pooping while in the extersaucer, and that has lead to a lot of laundry due to poop explosions!!!

day 3

today we had our appointment with our ENT to follow up on the fluid in mason's ears. so this morning i dropped carter off for a play date at his friend olivia's house, and then headed to children's to see our doctor.

today mason's ears looks good. we discussed my concerns with his speech and language. lately his speech has become very robotic sounding. he also says "what?" all day long. well, he passed both his hearing test, and the test to check the ear drums... great news! i also asked for the doctor's opinion on hadley's ears since she is on her 3rd ear infection and she is only 4 months old.

basically the doctor told us that he is hoping that the kids will both have healthy ears now that we are entering spring/summer. if either get an infection before the fall, to give him a call and we can discuss putting tubes in, but he doesn't want to be too aggressive right now. so, now we just wait and see.

after our appointment, we met some friends for ice cream at Tootsie's. today is opening day for the season, and we all got an ice cream... too bad it started to rain, and we couldn't eat outside like we planned. one of our favorite things to do in the summer on sunday nights is to get an ice cream at Tootsie's and walk to the center of town and listen to the concern on the common. i can't wait to bring hadley this summer. lots of times we meet andra and phil there, and this year avery will join us too!!!

so far this week i have spent a lot of time driving... and it looks like the rest of the week will be busy too. if we don't stay busy, then the week seems to drag on forever.

in other news, poor mason wants to be just like carter. everything and anything carter does, mason wants to follow. he gets so sad when he can't do it all. one of these days carter will like playing with his brother and not get so annoyed with him, and when he does i am sure mason will be there waiting for some brotherly love.